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GOT A GOOD JOKE??
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    WizardBeast
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by WizardBeast » Thu Nov 18, 2010 1:44 pm

    got a BAD joke, does that count?

    what do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? they both come on little white crackers! oooo....
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 1:46 pm

    rhiawiz wrote:got a BAD joke, does that count?

    what do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? they both come on little white crackers! oooo....

    D'ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! ba dum bum clash!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by WizardBeast » Thu Nov 18, 2010 1:47 pm

    i always want to click "like" on stuff on this forum...i've been over-Facebooked!

    http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/rwisniewski

    add
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Nov 18, 2010 3:16 pm

    SlaytanicE21 wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: That was awesome. :lol: :lol: :lol:

    I know! It pretty much totally got me even though I'd read that first comment beforehand. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one who found shit like that enertaining :?
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Malaka » Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:05 pm

    I thought it was gonna be some kind of candid freak out, like 5 guys run in and scare the shit out of her... or she gets electrocuted or something, that would be funny also. :lol: And then, WHAMMO! :twisted:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Ktulured55 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:22 pm

    rhiawiz wrote:got a BAD joke, does that count?

    what do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? they both come on little white crackers! oooo....



    Rhia, nice!! haha I will share that one with friends and coworkers ;)
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by mooyagi » Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:24 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in the thread for guys... It's got a punch line but is pretty hot too.

    I STRONGLY recommend, if you really want to enjoy this, do NOT read the comments below when you click the link. They will ruin the joke part of the video immediately. Just click over and go to full screen immediately.

    Enjoy :lol:

    FUNNY!


    That was funny. You should link this on the tanning thread. I was fully expecting her to pull out a penis, so I'm glad I was wrong.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Deathbringer » Sat Nov 20, 2010 3:39 pm

    I have a bad joke...if you even consider it a joke. I work in the meat department at a grocery store. Obviously we have been swamped with turkeys lately. I was pricing some up the other day and this 60 year old guy I work with told me the following:

    "You know... the pilgrims ate turkey, that's why we eat turkey for Thanksgiving.
    If they the pilgrims ate pussy, we'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.

    ...that's an old meat cutter's joke."


    OOOOOOK.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Memnoch » Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:32 pm

    Found from another metal forum:

    Breaking News. Steve Jobs is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Nov 22, 2010 8:48 pm

    Kevin wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Kevin is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. They went down like fruit smoothies. Probably more than a dozen of 'em. He doesn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad of shape as he was in, he wondered if he'd done anything wrong.

    Kevin forced himself to open his eyes and the first thing he saw is a couple Aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Kevin sits up and sees his clothing on the chair across from the bed, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

    Kevin goes to the bathroom, takes the Aspirin and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he spies a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark in bright red lipstick! "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"

    Kevin stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Kevin asks, "Son. what happened last night?"

    "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

    Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, the newspaper and this great breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

    His son replies, "Oh THAT!... I guess Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Malaka » Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:20 pm

    Awwww, that's precious. :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Good one penguin! :heavydrink:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by mooyagi » Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:36 pm

    :lol: Awesome one ShoreSlayer!
    I should get around to updating my signature
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Heabymetawhunta » Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:29 am

    Looking at a painting of Adam and Eve holding an apple in an art gallery, an Englishman said: "They are English, because the man shares delicious food with a woman."

    A Frenchman said: "They are French, because they are walking in the nude."

    A North Korean said: "They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food, but they think they are in heaven."
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by asmegin » Tue Nov 23, 2010 5:14 pm

    A man asked his new wife if she would have married him if he hadn't inherited all his money from his dad. She said, "Of course dear. I'd have married you no matter who you inherited the money from."
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by WizardBeast » Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:48 pm

    Heabymetawhunta wrote:Looking at a painting of Adam and Eve holding an apple in an art gallery, an Englishman said: "They are English, because the man shares delicious food with a woman."

    A Frenchman said: "They are French, because they are walking in the nude."

    A North Korean said: "They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food, but they think they are in heaven."


    good one!!!!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Feb 23, 2011 2:47 pm

    A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and
    orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a
    corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

    "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

    The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

    The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

    The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

    The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy,your grandma liked it!"


    At this point the biker stands up,takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says....................




    Grandpa;.......... Go home!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by doomguy » Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:47 pm

    rhiawiz wrote:got a BAD joke, does that count?

    what do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? they both come on little white crackers! oooo....

    :lol:

    Oh, I've got one!

    Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Little Boy Blue.
    Little Boy Blue who?
    Michael Jackson.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Feb 23, 2011 4:01 pm

    Conrad wrote:
    rhiawiz wrote:got a BAD joke, does that count?

    what do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? they both come on little white crackers! oooo....

    :lol:

    Oh, I've got one!

    Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Little Boy Blue.
    Little Boy Blue who?
    Michael Jackson.

    :lol: at both of those!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:13 am

    thanks for the jokes!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by KevinP » Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:53 am

    What is Michael Jackson's favorite college ?

    Brigham Young



    Why should you invite OJ Simpson over for Thanksgiving ?

    He cuts good white meat



    (The Dutch got to hear the rest of my material while in Orlando and it's much too offensive for here :shock: )
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by KevinP » Thu Feb 24, 2011 6:30 am

    Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:00 am

    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar

    D'oh!! :lol:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by WizardBeast » Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:30 am

    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar


    according to Ceiling Cat, this is something a Belgian might do, since they are so silly.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by doomguy » Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:12 pm

    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar

    Hey, I'm Polish! lol :lol:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by WizardBeast » Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:13 pm

    Conrad wrote:
    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar

    Hey, I'm Polish! lol :lol:


    Me too :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

    ESP = Exciting, Sexy and Polish (my cousin had that as a bumper sticker haha)

    Polish people ARE sexy, have great taste in music, and are awesome at many things like kung fu, massages, and cooking. Plus we have Behemoth!
    Last edited by WizardBeast on Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Lala » Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:13 pm

    Did you know that if you change 4 letters of the Word
    MAMA
    the word
    BEER
    the result is?
    2011 - survived - 2012 - survived - 2013 - survived - 2014 - survived - 2015 - survived - 2016 - survived - 2017 - survived - 2018 - survived - 2019 - survived - 2020 - survived - 2021 - definetly maybe NO

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by doomguy » Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:23 pm

    rhiawiz wrote:
    Conrad wrote:
    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar

    Hey, I'm Polish! lol :lol:


    Me too :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

    ESP = Exciting, Sexy and Polish (my cousin had that as a bumper sticker haha)

    Polish people ARE sexy, have great taste in music, and are awesome at many things like kung fu, massages, and cooking. Plus we have Behemoth!

    Do you speak fluent Polish? I don't, I've lived in NZ most of my life, I went to Poland a few years ago, and not many people speak English, it was so difficult to be understood.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by KevinP » Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:37 pm

    Conrad wrote:
    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar

    Hey, I'm Polish! lol :lol:


    You can substitute any people on there depending upon where you live. In the USA (at least in the Northeast) it was always Polish jokes..

    I think it stemmed from the (mis)fact(?) of the Polish army attacking German tanks while on horseback during WWII. It sounds so freaking funny you WANT it to be true. But who knows :mrgreen:

    http://www.historynet.com/polish-cavalr ... -tanks.htm
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by doomguy » Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:02 pm

    KevinP wrote:
    Conrad wrote:
    KevinP wrote:Q: How do you know that a Polish person designed the lower half of a woman's anatomy ?


    A: Who else is stupid enough to put the shithole next to the snack bar

    Hey, I'm Polish! lol :lol:


    You can substitute any people on there depending upon where you live. In the USA (at least in the Northeast) it was always Polish jokes..

    I think it stemmed from the (mis)fact(?) of the Polish army attacking German tanks while on horseback during WWII. It sounds so freaking funny you WANT it to be true. But who knows :mrgreen:

    http://www.historynet.com/polish-cavalr ... -tanks.htm

    :lol: Aahaha that is hilarious. It's all about the element of surprise, who's going to expect to be attacked by a horseback riding cavalry?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_jmFZe52I8

    In NZ the jokes are aimed at the Maori, and Pacific Islanders. And Australians, well, they joke about us :D
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:10 pm

    Here in Canada it's people from Newfoundland (Newfies for short) but everyone I've ever met have been nothing but great fun and exceptionally fun and polite, even by Canadian standards. Great accents and an almost entirely unique dialect of English as well!!

    :cheers: to the Newfies!! :heavydrink:
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    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Fri Feb 25, 2011 12:50 am

    hahaha oh newfies.... I actually typed up a big long phrasey thing in (what I intended to be) a newfie accent.. but it kind of just looked like really poor spelling. It's hard to type out the hard extended 'a' sound you would find in 'car' or 'bar'.

    /forumfail. :|
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Feb 25, 2011 1:18 pm

    Now these are guranteed to give you a Chuckle......
    titled "It was an honest mistake!"


    I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy
    peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I' haven't
    eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your fucking will power'



    Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by sageoftruth » Tue Mar 01, 2011 8:37 am

    You know you've become a true geek when someone asks you about your sex drive and you immediately check your computer.
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    mooyagi
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by mooyagi » Tue Mar 01, 2011 8:47 am

    sageoftruth wrote:You know you've become a true geek when someone asks you about your sex drive and you immediately check your computer.


    :lol: Hey now! That's a good one
    I should get around to updating my signature
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by sageoftruth » Tue Mar 01, 2011 10:11 am

    mooyagi wrote:
    sageoftruth wrote:You know you've become a true geek when someone asks you about your sex drive and you immediately check your computer.


    :lol: Hey now! That's a good one


    Huh? I thought I told you that one already. Maybe it was because it was in person before and didn't come out right.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by sageoftruth » Tue Mar 01, 2011 10:18 am

    debborah1 wrote:A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and
    orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a
    corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

    "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

    The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

    The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

    The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

    The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy,your grandma liked it!"


    At this point the biker stands up,takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says....................




    Grandpa;.......... Go home!


    Beautiful. Great buildup. I hope no one heard me laughing at work.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by sageoftruth » Tue Mar 01, 2011 10:35 am

    ShoreSlayer wrote:
    debborah1 wrote:
    ShoreSlayer wrote:Heard a great one this week but saving it for when I meet this thread's OP :P :twisted: :lol:

    you are EVIL.........YES YOU ARE :evil: :twisted: :D

    Shame is, now I forget.


    Fooey! I thought it actually was la computadora. I need to brush up on my Spanish.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by mooyagi » Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:32 pm

    sageoftruth wrote:
    mooyagi wrote:
    sageoftruth wrote:You know you've become a true geek when someone asks you about your sex drive and you immediately check your computer.


    :lol: Hey now! That's a good one


    Huh? I thought I told you that one already. Maybe it was because it was in person before and didn't come out right.


    :lol: Sounds about right.
    I should get around to updating my signature
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:00 pm

    I was on the "70,000 Tons of Metal" cruise and
    I was in the restaurant portion of the ship when I suddenly realized I desperately
    needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
    gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
    and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. :oops: :cheers:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by mooyagi » Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:30 pm

    debborah1 wrote:I was on the "70,000 Tons of Metal" cruise and
    I was in the restaurant portion of the ship when I suddenly realized I desperately
    needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
    gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
    and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. :oops: :cheers:


    :lol: Fart jokes are always funny
    I should get around to updating my signature

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