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GOT A GOOD JOKE??
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:54 pm

    A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

    The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

    The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

    The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

    She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
    To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

    'There's no charge,' she says.

    'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

    'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

    'So I just switched the heads.'
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
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    Disaster Area
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Disaster Area » Fri Jul 02, 2010 12:42 am

    ^^^^^^^^^^KUDDOS for that one Deb^^^^^^^^^^^^ :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Disaster Area: a plutonium rock band from the Gagrakacka Mind Zones, are generally held to be not only the loudest rock band in the history of the Galaxy, but the loudest noise of any kind at all.

    11,12,14,15,16, noshow 2017
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:14 am

    Disaster Area wrote:^^^^^^^^^^KUDDOS for that one Deb^^^^^^^^^^^^ :lol: :lol: :lol:

    I had a feeling you would like that one!.....and for my next trick......ahhh just kidding! :givebeer:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Dutchguy-Tim
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Mon Jul 05, 2010 4:13 am

    i only dutch jokes.... and i don't think they will be funny if I translated them

    and the english yokes i know are to corny like:
    why did humen cannonball loose his job?
    .
    .
    .
    because he got fired....

    or why did the irishmen fell of his bike?
    .
    .
    .
    because he was to tired
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:02 pm

    For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.' The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?' Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.
    Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
    And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself ....................................... with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike :lol:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Jul 12, 2010 2:47 pm

    Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a

    White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

    They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it...

    'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',

    says the Genie.

    The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want
    the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

    POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was
    forever fertile for farming.

    Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan ,
    Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians

    can come into our precious land.'

    POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge
    wall around those countries..

    The Biker says, 'I am very curious.

    Please tell me more about this wall.'

    The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet
    thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out;

    it's virtually impenetrable.'

    The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar,

    smiles and says,

    'Fill it with water.'
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:06 am

    An Irish guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to
    when you have a headache."

    The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a
    sheep, not a cow."

    The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jul 13, 2010 2:24 pm

    A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the
    First grade.
    The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

    You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.

    She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
    'I went to visit my Nana'.

    No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'
    She then asked Mitchell what he had done
    'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

    She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big
    People' words'.

    She then asked little Alex what he had done?

    'I read a book' he replied.

    That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

    'What book did you read?'

    ( I love this...)

    Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride,
    And said,
    'Winnie the SHIT'
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:01 pm

    LOL!!! verry funny


    you make this joke in all sorts of varities

    so this is a pretty general one

    barack obama is enjoing a free day and takes a walk in the park.
    after a time he stumbles over over something, he looks and sees an old oil lamp
    when is back home he rubbeds the lamp in hope of genie.
    and by all means a genie DOES come out!
    he said:
    I am the mighty genie of the lamp and I will grant you three wishes BUT! I know you fight a war against al qaida. so to stop you to get greedy, every memeber of al qaida will get the double of your wish!
    barack obama thinks for a moment and says: I want every men or women in the army equiped with the best arms!
    the genie nods and says, your military has been equiped. however, al qaida has now twice as many weapons
    obama thinks a little whille longer and says: i want the best weapons shield in the world
    the genie nods again and says, the USA is now protected by the best weapeons shied in the world. however al qaida is being protected by an even better shield!
    obama thinks long after this and after quite a while he says:
    all this weaponry and defence does not help a single person, therefor I would like to donate a kidney
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:24 pm

    Dutchguy-Tim wrote:LOL!!! verry funny


    you make this joke in all sorts of varities

    so this is a pretty general one

    barack obama is enjoing a free day and takes a walk in the park.
    after a time he stumbles over over something, he looks and sees an old oil lamp
    when is back home he rubbeds the lamp in hope of genie.
    and by all means a genie DOES come out!
    he said:
    I am the mighty genie of the lamp and I will grant you three wishes BUT! I know you fight a war against al qaida. so to stop you to get greedy, every memeber of al qaida will get the double of your wish!
    barack obama thinks for a moment and says: I want every men or women in the army equiped with the best arms!
    the genie nods and says, your military has been equiped. however, al qaida has now twice as many weapons
    obama thinks a little whille longer and says: i want the best weapons shield in the world
    the genie nods again and says, the USA is now protected by the best weapeons shied in the world. however al qaida is being protected by an even better shield!
    obama thinks long after this and after quite a while he says:
    all this weaponry and defence does not help a single person, therefor I would like to donate a kidney

    :lol: :lol: :lol: .....GOOD ONE!
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    zummazumma
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    Re: GOT A GOD JOKE??

    by zummazumma » Thu Jul 15, 2010 7:53 am

    So, God is up in Heaven.
    And, as people are coming in, he is hearing rumors that
    down on Earth, his people are really loosing their morals and values and they are
    listening to heavy metal music, and on and on the things God is hearing are really
    starting to make God worry.

    So God sends an Angel to visit Earth and see if these rumors are true.

    The Angel reports back to God after a while and he says;
    "Yeah, God, it's true what you've been hearing. You're people
    are really fucked up. It's sex, drugs and rock and roll all over the world.
    I'd say that 95% of the people on Earth are totally morally twisted,
    and 5% of the people are genuinely good."

    God can't believe his ears. "5% good! That's impossible. How can that be!?"

    God sends another Angel to Earth to take the same survey,
    and the Angel comes back to Heaven to report to God. "It's true, God, 95% of your people are
    truly evil. But don't feel so bad, because the 5% that are good are really great folks."

    When God hears that he's getting the same results with his Angels he is at his wit's end.
    God decides to send an E-Mail to the 5% of his people that are in good standing to find out
    what is it that makes them morally virtuous.

    Do you know what was in the E-Mail? ...

    Me neither, I also didn't get one!!!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:03 am

    OMG, that 1 was funny :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Michaelage » Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:18 pm

    that is bad...


    KNIFE!!!

    Image
    Image
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Fri Jul 16, 2010 1:44 pm

    once again it's a joke you can change at own desire.....

    a Dutch, a German and a Belgium guy go to a museum
    after a while they come acros a big machine.
    the sign reeds:
    "this machine will tell you what you actually can do, just go inside say what you think you can do. if it's correct you hear bell, if not you'll hear buzz"

    so first the German guy walks in says:
    "i think that I can eat 20 bratwusr without throwing up"
    BUZZZZZZZ
    uuuuuhhhmmm... 15 then?
    Ping.....
    and the german guy walks away happy

    next goes the dutch guy and says:
    "i think i can drink 20 beers without getting drunk"
    BUZZZZZZZ
    uuuuuhhhmmm... 15 then?
    ping....

    last goes the belgium guy
    "i think.. BUZZZZZZZ

    now i am waiting for a belgium dude with a joke about what cheap-asses we dutchmen are :lol:
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    Michaelage
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Michaelage » Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:13 am

    the belgium prime minister and the dutch prime minister are talking at a conference...

    the belgium pm says to the dutch pm.

    You are always making fun of all our stupid mistake, can't you cut us some slack and make a mistake so we can laugh at your mistake.

    the dutch pm thinks about and and says: Yeah we can do that it will create a stronger bond between the countries.

    so the dutch pm thinks long and hard and finds the perfect mistake.

    he orders a bridge build over a piece of land.

    the bridge is build and all the people from belgium are laughing there asses off.

    the belgian pm calls the dutch pm and says: Thanks for the laugh you can take it down now.

    the dutch pm says: Yeah i wish we could but belgian people are fishing on it...
    Image
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:33 am

    wouldn't it be fun to live your life backwards?
    firstly, you would raise from the grave. a spectacular beginning. when you get out of the box you will be greeted by all of your friends and family (which you do not have to pick out)
    and they also brought you flowers.
    after that you can relax and sit behind the geraniums for about 20 years. you can have drinks every day, you will get your pension monthly and now and them you will make a little trip.

    at one day there is a guy at your door offering you a nice golden watch, and offers you a well payd job
    after the years you go by you more and more enjoy your work, you are feeling better and you can smoke all you want because your longs a getting cleaner by the day.
    also you can drink what you want, the hangovers are getiing shorter and shorter, your beer belly is slowly getting less for which you do not have to do anything!

    you also are loving husband/wive more and more. at first you only have sex once a week but at the end at least 10 times a week.

    then after a certain time you have to go to school, but you do not have to crap because you already know all.

    then the last years of your life, you can enjoy yourself with building sandcastles and all the candy you want (you already have lost all your teeth anyway)
    then you suck a nice brest for a couple of month and after that enjoy the safety of womens woumb.

    and so end your life, with a great orgasm!!!

    maybe this is to innovative, but i''ll sign for it!
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:23 am

    Dutchguy-Tim wrote:wouldn't it be fun to live your life backwards?
    firstly, you would raise from the grave. a spectacular beginning. when you get out of the box you will be greeted by all of your friends and family (which you do not have to pick out)
    and they also brought you flowers.
    after that you can relax and sit behind the geraniums for about 20 years. you can have drinks every day, you will get your pension monthly and now and them you will make a little trip.

    at one day there is a guy at your door offering you a nice golden watch, and offers you a well payd job
    after the years you go by you more and more enjoy your work, you are feeling better and you can smoke all you want because your longs a getting cleaner by the day.
    also you can drink what you want, the hangovers are getiing shorter and shorter, your beer belly is slowly getting less for which you do not have to do anything!

    you also are loving husband/wive more and more. at first you only have sex once a week but at the end at least 10 times a week.

    then after a certain time you have to go to school, but you do not have to crap because you already know all.

    then the last years of your life, you can enjoy yourself with building sandcastles and all the candy you want (you already have lost all your teeth anyway)
    then you suck a nice brest for a couple of month and after that enjoy the safety of womens woumb.

    and so end your life, with a great orgasm!!!

    maybe this is to innovative, but i''ll sign for it!

    I'm IN!! Sign me up too!!
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Bolt_Thrower » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:20 am

    debborah1 wrote:Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

    This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ***!" :headbanger: :lol: :lol:

    ... the teacher fainted!
    lol.....what a way to start the day!


    I heard a similar joke, no pins though. Just that the third question Peter asked a lady trying to get past the pearly gates was, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The lady thought for a bit and finally said, "My, that's a hard one!" Peter lets her in.
    Last edited by Bolt_Thrower on Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:58 am, edited 2 times in total.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:56 am

    :lol: :lol:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    viathyn
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:13 pm

    2011: Cabin #5549
    2012: Cabin #2581
    2013: Cabin #2077
    2014: Cabin #2583
    2015: Cabin #3242


    Please check out my band
    http://www.facebook.com/VIATHYN

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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:18 pm

    viathyn wrote:SWEET BERRY WIIIINE!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91dLiozxRY0

    Ahhhh there you are my Metal brother!!...where u been??? lol inquiring minds wanna know!
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:27 am

    Oh you know, here and there. Been busy at work the last little bit!
    2011: Cabin #5549
    2012: Cabin #2581
    2013: Cabin #2077
    2014: Cabin #2583
    2015: Cabin #3242


    Please check out my band
    http://www.facebook.com/VIATHYN

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by TOM CRUISE » Wed Jul 21, 2010 11:12 am

    Too funny, thank you for making the darkness in my life just a little brighter. I read the entire thread. :lol:

    If those did not know already, the Dutch make fun/tease/jest the Belgians

    I once saw the funniest picture. It was of this dude standing inside of a tree and there was a computer on the tree branch and it looked like he was using it and the caption read "BELGIAN LAPTOP"

    :lol: :lol:
    70K- 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019 Cabin-6218- Barge to hell -2012
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:59 pm

    Herb's Winky

    Herb decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy felt she had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

    She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.

    He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.

    However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too.

    Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said, 'I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are married.'

    She said, 'Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky.'

    Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.

    Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another.

    As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.

    She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'

    'Yes, it is... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long.'
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Disaster Area
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Disaster Area » Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:02 pm

    this isn't really a joke, but a link to a hilarious email exchange, I nearly stroked out while reading it. I'd like to believe it was a real exchange, but even if it was fabricated, it's still damned funny!
    Enjoy!
    http://bobhyatt.typepad.com/bobblog/2010/07/funniestemailexchange-ever.html#tp
    :D :D :D
    Disaster Area: a plutonium rock band from the Gagrakacka Mind Zones, are generally held to be not only the loudest rock band in the history of the Galaxy, but the loudest noise of any kind at all.

    11,12,14,15,16, noshow 2017
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by cg138 » Thu Jul 29, 2010 10:33 am

    Disaster Area wrote:this isn't really a joke, but a link to a hilarious email exchange, I nearly stroked out while reading it. I'd like to believe it was a real exchange, but even if it was fabricated, it's still damned funny!
    Enjoy!
    http://bobhyatt.typepad.com/bobblog/2010/07/funniestemailexchange-ever.html#tp
    :D :D :D


    Very funny, though I doubt it is authentic. The blogger does, after all, seem to put a lot of faith into fabricated stories. You'll notice this if you read his interests on the left side of the website.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Aug 02, 2010 4:09 pm

    Oldies but goodies...

    Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: One. He just holds on to it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

    Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Just one, but the guitarist always has to show him how.

    and my fave of the 3

    Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a drummer?
    A: The bass player takes the dishes out of the sink before he pisses in it.

    :lol:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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  • cg138
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by cg138 » Mon Aug 02, 2010 4:51 pm

    What do you call a person who constantly follows musicians around?

    A drummer.

    How can you tell if a stage is level?

    Drool is coming out both sides of the drummer's mouth.
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    Dutchguy-Tim
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:02 am

    they meaybe old, but they beauty ain't faiding :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Aug 03, 2010 8:58 am

    :lol: :P :lol: :P :lol:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
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    Dutchguy-Tim
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Thu Aug 05, 2010 4:28 am

    it's brown and going down a piste
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    a skiwi
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    Michaelage
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Michaelage » Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:02 am

    damn tim that is baaaadd.... you are better off getting ur jokes of the interwebs...
    Image
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Aug 05, 2010 6:46 am

    I don't know what a piste or a skiwi are but I guess I can make up my own joke with the parts I do understand :lol: :P :twisted:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    Dutchguy-Tim
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Thu Aug 05, 2010 6:51 am

    a ski-ing kiwi = a skiwi
    damn and this joke is for little kids....

    mike, i was bored and thought to post this kindergartenjoke :lol:

    i'll think of a nasty 1 next

    edit at 23:00 dutch time

    A womens going to the doctor and says:
    doctor i've got a problem with my vagina

    doctor: what's the problem then?
    women: well it has a very bad smell of onions, and because of that nobody want's to wel... lick me.
    Doctor: well try these cremes and come back in a week.

    after a week the women return

    Doctor: well did it work
    women: no it did not, if even I think it made it worse.
    doctor: well i do not have a medical solution for this. however, I do have a friend who can not smell. perhaps you can go on a date and if things work out, who knows?

    so the women and the man are going out. thins are going well and they end up in bed together.
    the man in willing to please her and crawls under the sheets.
    however withing 10 seconds he says:
    owh man this is groose ONIONS!!!!!!

    the womens throws the sheets away and yells:
    I thought you could not smel?!?!?!?!?!

    man: I can't! but i've got tears in my eyes.


    and with that little one i bid you all a good night. :cool:
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
  • Diamond 5
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Diamond 5 » Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:06 pm

    Dotor's determined that because Michael Jackson was 90% plastic, they are going to melt his body down and make legos out of him so kids can play with him for a change.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:02 am

    OMG!!! bwahahahaaa :lol: :lol:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Aug 19, 2010 11:51 am

    I just found a huge thread of musician jokes I've never heard before so I guess I'll be bumping my post count a little via this thread while on holidays :twisted:

    Let's start with these...

    Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: PFFFT! Lift something? Yeah right!

    Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Six - one to do it, and the other five to stand around saying how they would've done it with more "feeling!"

    There's a dead snake on the side of the road and a dead trombone player on the other side.
    What' the difference?
    There's a slight chance the snake was on it's way to a gig.

    and, lastly (for now)...

    What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
    A flat minor
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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  • NuuX
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by NuuX » Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:19 am

    A pirate with a steering wheel in his crotch walks into a bar.

    Bartender: What's up with the stearing wheel in your crotch?
    Pirate: YAAAARGHHH! It be drivin' me nuts!
    2011 @ 5535
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    Malaka
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Malaka » Fri Aug 20, 2010 2:47 am

    NuuX wrote:A pirate with a steering wheel in his crotch walks into a bar.

    Bartender: What's up with the stearing wheel in your crotch?
    Pirate: YAAAARGHHH! It be drivin' me nuts!



    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! That's the best one I've heard so far!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Batushka>Be'lakor>DarkFortress>Draconian>Hypocrisy>Mgla>PowerTrip>RottingChrist>Scour>SLAYER>TheatreofTragedyReunion>Triptykon>Uada>Wolfheart
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:07 am

    Get out yer reading glasses ol' timers!!! Some good ones here :headbanger:

    How do you tell if the stage is level?
    The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

    What's the last thing a drummer says before getting fired from the band?
    “Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?”

    What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
    Homeless.

    How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
    It doesn’t matter; he never knows when to come in…

    What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
    They both suck without Cream.

    How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart could’ve done it.

    How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they have a machine to do that now.

    What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
    Gifted.

    Q: "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
    A: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

    Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
    Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

    How do shut a drummer up?
    Put a chart in front of him.

    Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
    So they can park in the handicapped spot.

    How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
    You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

    How do you get a drummer off your porch?
    Pay him for the pizza.

    What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
    Drool.

    What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
    "Would you like fries with that, sir?"

    How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
    You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.

    I once asked a drummer how to spell "Mississippi".
    He said, "The River or the state?"

    What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
    Mildly retarded.

    What do you call 10 guys in a drum circle?
    A dope ring.

    What has three legs and an asshole?
    A drum stool.

    What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
    One will mature and make money.

    What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
    A tattoo.

    What's the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?
    The pizza can feed a family of four.

    What is the difference between a bad drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
    You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

    How can you make a drummer's car more aerodynamic?
    Take the Pizza sign off of it.

    What's the biggest lie told to a drummer?
    Hang on a minute and I'll help you with your gear.

    Why are band breaks limited to only 20 minutes?
    So you don't have to retrain the drummer.

    What’s the difference between a drum machine, and a drummer?
    You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.

    If thine enemy wrongs thee, buy each of his children a drum. - Ancient Proverb

    Oxymoron: Drum Music

    So many drummers, so little time. :lol:

    An amateur drummer died and went to Heaven. He was waiting outside the Pearly Gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that’s God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

    A man goes to a Pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "…Very bad when drumming stops." Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he’s just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops!" he says, and hurries off. After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens when the drumming stops?!" The native replied, "Bass solo."

    St. Peter was checking ID's at the Pearly Gates.
    He asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny gates to your left.”

    To the next man he says, “What did you do on Earth?”
    The man replies, "I was a school teacher." St. Peter says,"OK, through those two gates and to the left.

    To the last man he says, “And what did you do on Earth?” The man replied, ”Oh, I was a musician." St. Peter said, "All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen and..."

    A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain. The first one says "SCIENTIST", and it costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get a scientist's brain for $100?” The salesman replied, "Because, it's never been used."

    A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator's got to stay".

    A young drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard, "Psst! Down here!" She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket. A woman standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What did you do that for?" The girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"

    A guy walks into a shop and tells the clerk, "I'll take a Fender Stratoblaster with an extra pack of nylon strings.” The clerk says to him, "I take it you're a drummer?” The guys says, "Why yes, how did you know?” The clerk says, "This is a Travel Agency". :lol: :lol: :lol:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:

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