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GOT A GOOD JOKE??
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    Tomasz
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Tomasz » Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:53 am

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    viathyn
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:52 pm

    You guys are going to hate me so much for this.
    Seriously. Especially considering this is right at the top of a new page.

    Fuck I'm such an asshole.



    Enjoy.



    And get your scrolling finger ready.


    Image
    2011: Cabin #5549
    2012: Cabin #2581
    2013: Cabin #2077
    2014: Cabin #2583
    2015: Cabin #3242


    Please check out my band
    http://www.facebook.com/VIATHYN

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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Aug 23, 2010 1:05 pm

    AAAAAH AH AHA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....HILARIOUS....THATS SOMTHING MY SON WOULD HAVE DRAWN LMFAO!
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by PxDnNinja » Mon Aug 23, 2010 1:10 pm

    You and I would have gotten along perfectly in school. That is the kind of shit I used to pull. :D
    2011: SURVIVED
    2012: SURVIVED
    2013: SURVIVED
    2014: Waiting to Book
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Aug 23, 2010 2:35 pm

    I don't get why it's in the joke thread...

    Aren't all of us made like this? ;)
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:13 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:I don't get why it's in the joke thread...

    Aren't all of us made like this? ;)

    Oh you ARE on a roll....arent you lol :lol: :cool:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Aug 23, 2010 4:41 pm

    debborah1 wrote:Oh you ARE on a roll....arent you lol :lol: :cool:

    Ba dum dum crash!!

    Encore?

    Ok... Here's one that never made the big list above...

    Q: How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door?

    A: The knocking keeps speeding up
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Aug 23, 2010 4:48 pm


    Went past this a couple times as I've seen lots of his stuff before but SO glad I clicked on it. That's some old footage and I loved the few death metal jokes in there! Thanks for the link!!
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
  • PxDnNinja
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by PxDnNinja » Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:17 pm

    Ok, here is a classic (which btw, my mom told me when I was 14 (I'm 26 now). My mom is awesome).

    Out in the forest there is a narrow river, about 10 feet wide.

    Above this river is a single fly buzzing around. Down in the river is a fish. This fish is looking up at the fly thinking:

    "If they fly would drop just 5 inches, I could jump up and eat it."

    Well, out in the trees to one side of the river, there was a bear. This bear was watching the water and thought:

    "Damn, if that fly would drop 5 inches, that fish would jump for that fly and I could run out and get that fish."

    Now on the other side of the river, there lived a hunter who had been tracking the bear. Knowing bears like fish, he sees the scene before him, and naturally:

    "Hmm, if that fly will drop 5 inches, that fish will jump after the fly and that bear will come after the fish, then I can shoot that bear."

    How this hunter also had a mouse problem, and had set out some cheese nearby to try and lure out the mouse to catch. The mouse wasn't stupid though, and saw the hunter waiting on him, but also waiting on that bear. Checking the scene out he noticed something:

    "*squeek* Come on fly, drop just 5 inches so that fish will jump after you, luring out the bear to eat the fish, distracting the hunter by shooting at the bear and I can run and get that cheese."

    Of course anywhere there is a mouse, there is a cat. This cat in particular was hungry and knew this mouse was hiding somewhere to get that cheese, so he waited. Glancing around, he saw that very same fly:

    "Hmmm. If they fly was to drop 5 inches, that fish would jump after the fly, the bear would come after that fish, the stupid hunter would shoot the bear and that mouse would run after the cheese, and I could pounce on the mouse."

    Well, as it so happened that fly did drop 5 inches,

    and that fish jumped to eat the fly,

    and the bear ran out after the fish,

    and the hunter shot at the bear,

    and the mouse did run after the cheese,

    and the cat did jump after the mouse, but on the way tripped and rolled into the river.

    What is the moral of the story?












    Any time a fly drops 5 inches, there is going to be a wet pussy.


    Thank you thank you. I'll be on board all week.
    2011: SURVIVED
    2012: SURVIVED
    2013: SURVIVED
    2014: Waiting to Book
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:27 pm

    *applauds*
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:22 pm

    WHAT DOES JUSTIN BEIBER AND NEW YEARS HAVE IN COMMON?
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    ...THEY'RE BOTH WAITIN FOR THEIR BALLS TO DROP :cool:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Ktulured55
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Ktulured55 » Sat Sep 04, 2010 12:33 am

    I'm sure most of you have already heard this..... it's kind of old now... but for those of you who have not.......


    What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus???




    ......

    ......

    .....

    .....


    .....

    .....

    .....

    .....

    .....

    Tiger Woods has more than 3 Hoes!
    113591
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Sat Sep 04, 2010 1:00 am

    Heard a great one this week but saving it for when I meet this thread's OP :P :twisted: :lol:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Sep 21, 2010 3:34 pm

    A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

    'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
    'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

    A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

    The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

    2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    (THIS GETS BETTER!)

    The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

    The women won.
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Sep 21, 2010 3:34 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:Heard a great one this week but saving it for when I meet this thread's OP :P :twisted: :lol:

    you are EVIL.........YES YOU ARE :evil: :twisted: :D
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:26 pm

    debborah1 wrote:
    ShoreSlayer wrote:Heard a great one this week but saving it for when I meet this thread's OP :P :twisted: :lol:

    you are EVIL.........YES YOU ARE :evil: :twisted: :D

    Shame is, now I forget.
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Dutchguy-Tim
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:36 am

    deb, i respectfully disagree!!!!!
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
  • BehnWilson
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by BehnWilson » Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:43 am

    Why do blondes hate vibators?


    They hurt their teeth
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Sep 24, 2010 1:07 pm

    The Polite way to Pee

    During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to
    teach good manners, asked her students the
    following question:

    'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner
    With a nice young lady, how would you tell her
    That you have to go to the bathroom?'

    Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

    The teacher responded by saying, 'That would
    Be rude and impolite.

    What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'


    Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to
    Go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

    'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
    at the dinner table.

    And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain
    For once and show us your good manners?'

    'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused
    for a moment? I have to shake hands with a
    very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to
    Introduce you after dinner.'

    The teacher fainted
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    KevinP
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by KevinP » Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:24 pm

    What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Bartender?
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    Santa only has to look at 8 assholes
    WISHLIST

    BOLT THROWER / MADDER MORTEM / SEAR BLISS / AEON / THE AMENTA / AUTOPSY / MDB / THE 11th HOUR / HAIL OF BULLETS / DORDEDUH / TRIPTYKON / NE OBLIVISCARIS / PORTAL

    The Sultan of Stroopwafels
    The Viceroy of Vegemite
    Loather of Power Metal
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:10 am

    Oh yeah KevinP.....

    What does a puppy and a nearsighted gynocologist have in common?
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    They BOTH have WET noses.....
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
  • BehnWilson
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by BehnWilson » Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:50 pm

    Whats the least sensitive part of the penis?
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    The man!
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:58 pm

    BehnWilson wrote:Whats the least sensitive part of the penis?
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    The man!

    LOL...classic!

    I heard another one similar.....
    What dfo you call the extra skin around a penis?...............a man! lol
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
  • BehnWilson
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by BehnWilson » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:02 pm

    debborah1 wrote:
    BehnWilson wrote:Whats the least sensitive part of the penis?
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    The man!

    LOL...classic!

    I heard another one similar.....
    What dfo you call the extra skin around a penis?...............a man! lol


    Ive heard that joke as "useless" skin around the penis.
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:06 pm

    BehnWilson wrote:
    debborah1 wrote:
    BehnWilson wrote:Whats the least sensitive part of the penis?
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    The man!

    LOL...classic!

    I heard another one similar.....
    What dfo you call the extra skin around a penis?...............a man! lol


    Ive heard that joke as "useless" skin around the penis.

    yeah......that too.........useless.......lmfao jk jk jkiiiiidddiiiiing ;)
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
  • BehnWilson
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by BehnWilson » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:21 pm

    Not a joke per se, but a great line from a recent movie:

    "Machete Dont Text!"
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:00 pm

    Not the greatest but this thread needs a bump...

    The girl knelt in the confessional and said,
    "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
    "What is it, child?"
    "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity.
    Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror
    and tell myself how beautiful I am."
    The priest turned, took a good look at the girl,
    and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't
    a sin... it's simply a mistake."
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:19 pm

    Here's a handful of better ones...

    What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
    Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

    What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
    They can both smell it but can't eat it.

    How is a woman like a condom?
    Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

    What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
    Spitting, swallowing and gargling. dirty joke material >>>

    How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
    Put a nipple on it.

    What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
    Slow down and use a lubricant.

    What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
    Money.

    What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
    A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

    Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
    Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

    What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
    They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

    How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
    It's not hard.

    Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
    The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

    Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
    She is the one who can eat the last donut!

    What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
    A pick pocket snatches watches.
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Ktulured55
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Ktulured55 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:38 pm

    How did the baby cross the road?






    It was stapled to the chicken. :deathmetal:
    113591
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:49 pm

    How did the (classic) punk rocker cross the road?

    The chicken was safety pinned to his face :lol:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Malaka
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Malaka » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:55 pm

    Why did the farmer cross the road?


    His dick was stuck in the chicken.

    :mrgreen:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Thu Oct 28, 2010 11:13 am

    what position does a monster play at his soccer team?
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    A GHOULIE!!!
    :lol:
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:09 pm

    Debb arrived early in Florida so she went driving through the Everglades and decided she wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, she shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

    The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!" So Debb headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

    Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots Debborah standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.

    Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

    The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. Debb struggled and flipped the mighty gator onto its back.

    Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.. "SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!" :P
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by cg138 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:15 pm

    I think this one will be understood mostly by Americans living in certain areas, but it's one of my favorites:

    How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


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    It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.
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    Heabymetawhunta
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Heabymetawhunta » Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:48 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:Debb arrived early in Florida so she went driving through the Everglades and decided she wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, she shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

    The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!" So Debb headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

    Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots Debborah standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.

    Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

    The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. Debb struggled and flipped the mighty gator onto its back.

    Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.. "SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!" :P

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    70K TONS OF METAL 2011 SURVIVOR!

    2012 wishlist: Metal Inquisitor-grim reaper- Hell - OZ!
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:22 pm

    A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

    With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice.

    She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

    Next she picked up a hacksaw.

    The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

    The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    mooyagi
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by mooyagi » Sat Nov 13, 2010 7:21 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

    With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice.

    She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

    Next she picked up a hacksaw.

    The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

    The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."


    I think the producers now have an idea for Saw 8 (or whatever they hell number they are up to now). :?
    I should get around to updating my signature
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    Dutchguy-Tim
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Dutchguy-Tim » Sun Nov 14, 2010 2:43 pm

    :shock: :shock: :shock:
    Hornblowing survivor of 70.000 tons of metal January 2011 / 2012 / 2015
    counting down to 70.000 tons of metal 2018

    what the hell did you do this winter?
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:46 am

    Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in the thread for guys... It's got a punch line but is pretty hot too.

    I STRONGLY recommend, if you really want to enjoy this, do NOT read the comments below when you click the link. They will ruin the joke part of the video immediately. Just click over and go to full screen immediately.

    Enjoy :lol:

    FUNNY!
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Malaka
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Malaka » Thu Nov 18, 2010 1:21 pm

    :lol: :lol: :lol: That was awesome. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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