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Rambling thoughts...
  • Laura
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    Rambling thoughts...

    by Laura » Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:43 pm

    Warning….kinda strange/moody post ahead…

    My mind has been rambling a lot today since I read about the passing of Marina/Maddy77 from this forum. I never met her, and only knew of her from her postings here, but like I said elsewhere, she seemed like such a cool person – so full of fun and life! Her sudden death made me think of so many things. Hope y’all don’t mind if I write a few of them here… :oops:

    …my heart goes out to the family and friends of Marina. She was basically a stranger to me and I feel sad, so I can’t even begin to fathom how those close to her must feel.

    …when I find out about someone dying, (I’m gonna be really honest here) – I often get a feeling in my gut that says to me “that could have been me,” and then I am reminded how fragile life is. I think deep down, many of us like to pretend that somehow we’re invincible – but of course that isn’t true (unless you believe in an afterlife I suppose). I think I read somewhere long ago that from a psychological point of view, it is not really possible for one to conceive of one’s own death or “non-being.” Perhaps that is why many people believe in an afterlife.

    …people say it all the time, but I thought again about the importance of appreciating the people in my life, living each day to the fullest, and enjoying life as much as possible. Easier said than done, I know, but I try, and I'll try harder.

    …I feel so fortunate that I’ve been able to accomplish/experience so many things I dreamed about as a young person (and then some) – really fortunate. To be honest, I feel like I’m on my 6th or 7th of 9 lives (like a cat: and no, I’m not a crazy old lady with tons of cats, although I am in my 40’s and have 2 cats ;) ). I booked this metal cruise soon after I heard about it because I thought to myself – THIS CRUISE IS GONNA BE INCREDIBLY AWESOME!!! From reading Maddy’s earliest posts, she felt the same way. So sorry you won’t be with us, you cool metal chick you! I'll be thinking about you! :headbanger: :cheers: :headbanger:
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by ShoreSlayer » Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:56 pm

    To the contrary TW, your thoughts are most welcome. Quite similar to my own in many ways.

    I worked last night and was supposed to return for another shift tonight but have tossed and turned all day and then finally fell asleep a few hours ago only to have some very disturbing dreams, almost nightmares. So I've called and had my shift covered and will remain at home tonight but not sure if I'll sleep or how well. And much like you, my thoughts aren't centred on my own loss as I hardly knew Maddy at all aside from how well we can get to know one another on a board like this or facebook of all places.

    No, it's more about how thoughts of the sudden, unexpected death of another and the loss that their loved ones are feeling tend to send us (me anyways) to a place of introspection or self-examination and, often, contemplation of the mysteries. Some of my thoughts in this regard are comforting as, in many ways, I feel I've led the life I would choose if I had it to do all over again. And yet, many 'what-if's remain.

    That word fragile really jumps out at me as it's just so very, very true that none of us know which day might be our last or even our last with certain choices available to us. A great reminder to cherish every day, every kind person we encounter and every breath we can slow down long enough to be aware of. I looked through a bunch of Marina's photos today and in pretty much every single one, HUGE SMILE on her face as well as those around her. I like to believe she was the type who cherished all those moments and hope I can remember to do so more with what remains of my time here.

    R.I.P. Marina :D
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    zummazumma
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    Goodbye Marina

    by zummazumma » Wed Jul 21, 2010 6:44 am

    I'm very sad that Marina is no longer with us. I was greatly looking forward to meeting her in person on the cruise. :cry:
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    TOM CRUISE
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by TOM CRUISE » Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:58 am

    I had an idea to have a candlelight vigil for Maddy on one night of the cruise. I do not know if that would be ok. It was just a idea. In times like these, sometimes we do not think clearly or rationally.

    I am going through a lot of different emotions right now. Imagine if you were talking to a friend back and forth about tips for photography and such and then suddenly it is ripped out from underneath you.

    I hope this empty hole in my heart and stomach will go away. For the past two days I have been very confused over the loss of Maddy. :(

    And I am sorry if my posts are not in the direction that they are supposed to be. I thought that this "Random Thoughts" was a thread where I could point out what a awesome person Marina/Maddy was. She would want us all to get along. Not judge one another or manhandle each other. It's about love light and everlasting kindness and friendship.

    One thing maddy taught me was to take the bad with the good. And to find the good in mankind. I am trying to smile but its hard when my heart is breaking

    I am sorry if my post is not up to snuff. Like I said I am going through a lot of emotions the past two days and I feel like I am falling slowly off a star in the heavens
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    zummazumma
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by zummazumma » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:17 pm

    I, WE, those who knew her, even in online forums and facebook, we MUST do something for her and her memory in the cruise, it jus wouldn't be right if we didn't.

    One of our comrades, our sister in Metal has fallen. We must have a moment for her on the ship.

    I'm with you on that point, Tom Cruise.
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by ShoreSlayer » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:39 pm

    I think it goes without saying that we'll do something. Just a matter of figuring out what.

    Perhaps Andy, Allison and crew could take the helm here and organize something or help with the idea of contacting Sonata to have them dedicate her favourite song to her (The Cage from what a friend of hers posted on the memorial page). I think any and all ideas mentioned along these lines are great and we just need to coordinate them. The idea of some kind of late night candlelight event would be awesome and I wouldn't miss it.
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    debborah1
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by debborah1 » Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:02 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:I think it goes without saying that we'll do something. Just a matter of figuring out what.

    Perhaps Andy, Allison and crew could take the helm here and organize something or help with the idea of contacting Sonata to have them dedicate her favourite song to her (The Cage from what a friend of hers posted on the memorial page). I think any and all ideas mentioned along these lines are great and we just need to coordinate them. The idea of some kind of late night candlelight event would be awesome and I wouldn't miss it.


    I completely agree that we should all partake in a nice ceremony for Maddy!
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    TOM CRUISE
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by TOM CRUISE » Wed Jul 21, 2010 4:20 pm

    Her Sonata tattoo was really cool.....Some great ideas here.

    Zumma- Thank you. It's a bitter pill to swallow and also like tyrwoman said "slap of reality". And the sad thing is that I doom/dwell on facts of life and one of the first thing I thought of when I booked it was the fate of the passengers because just when you least expect it any one of us could be "called home". So cheers to tyrwoman for pointing THAT fact out......

    Cheers to everyone


    Scott
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    TOM CRUISE
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by TOM CRUISE » Wed Jul 21, 2010 4:27 pm

    I forgot to add...

    I am a very very sensitive and emotional man. Yesterday was spent confused and shocked and at some point angry. That flowed over into the morning today and on the way over to my friend Michele's condo to go swimming I brought along Iced Earth- Alive in Athens CD for the drive and "Meloncholy (Holy Martyr) came on and I was in tears after the 3rd verse. When I got to my friends she asked me if I had been crying. (to which I denied and said I had something in my eye) God I did not even know her in person! But I am forwarning you, that a dedication or candlelight vigil for Maddy will bring me to tears.
    70K- 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2024 - Cabin 2350. Barge to hell -2012
  • Laura
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    Re: Rambling thoughts...

    by Laura » Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:03 pm

    TOM CRUISE wrote:.... just when you least expect it any one of us could be "called home". So cheers to tyrwoman for pointing THAT fact out......

    Cheers to everyone
    Scott


    thanks, Scott. I almost didn't post the original message at all because it was/is very personal.
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